Diary of a Wine Clubber - Day 7

Day 7 of nominating myself to post 12 wine reviews in 12 days. This is quite the commitment. Today’s review is the 'Heart’s and Bones, 2019 Margaret River Syrah, by Stuart Pym’. Ah, ok Stuart. Am I drinking wine or am I reading your novel? To be honest, 'Hearts and Bones' sounds a bit like a high quality garden fertiliser. But I love that he's thrown the region into the label for a quick little name drop. Nice brag Stuart. It’s very Byron Bay. Ok, so I do do the same.


I was asked in a Melbourne retail shop once where I was from and I immediately said ‘Byron Bay’. Partly because I know people are much more likely to know where that is, but also admittedly for a quick brag for the cold Victorians. Unfortunately the response I got was ‘yeah, but do you actually live in Lismore?!’. Oh fuck. Yeah I do. I felt like I’d just been dacked in the middle of a shopping centre and now everyone was pointing and laughing at my overgrown bush. Completely exposed.


Do people even dack each other anymore? Such as a shame if they don’t. I might try bring it back.

Anyway, speaking of body hair, I enjoyed this wine with a hot night of action with my Epilator. Removing body hair using machinery is weird, but strangely satisfying. It's much like bailing hay with a tractor, only instead of packaging all the hair into tight movable bundles, it just splatters them around the place. Like glitter. Only it’s hair. Calm down everyone, I'm not talking about my vagina. Epilators are NOT for vaginas. You do not want to learn that the hard way. Anyway, I probably should have set up a ‘Shave for a Cure’ campaign because things really were a little out of hand.

Oh shit! I only ever read the back bottle labels once I’m doing the reviews, so apparently I was supposed to drink this one ‘slightly chilled on a hot summers day while waiting for the bbq to warm up’. Well I totally fucked all that up. I drank it with my dressing gown on while feeding my face with left over Pad Thai. Close enough. Suggestion: pop that shit on the front of the bottle. And maybe don’t be quite so specific Stuart. I’m sensing you have control issues. It still tasted good after sitting in the laundry sun all day, in the box it was delivered in, so no need to start digging myself a cellar just yet.

The label also says this wine is low on ‘drying tannins’. Ok, educate me…? All I know about tannins is that they are the reason that the Lennox Head’s tea tree lake makes your arm hair look like the vagina of a 70’s porn magazine. The tea tree tannins. Correct? I feel like I’d prefer my wine without the tannins thanks. Strain that shit.

Anyway, this wine was another winner in my eyes. I'm going with another 9/10. Am I being too generous? Perhaps. I didn't share it with anyone though, so my generosity has it's limits.


(14th April 2020)


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